Jake's Journal
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Sunday, January 24, 2010
had our first read/sing through for MFL the Thursday night and it was AMAZING!
I had so much fun but I was So tired after wards. the show is going to be really hard but I really just can't wait. every time I'm go to rehearsal I'm just in awe at the role that I have been given the opportunity to play and the great names that have done this show before me. not only am I trying to fill the shoes of the great Mr. Harrison but this role has been played across from the likes of Julie Andrews and Audrey Hepburn. yeah, I totally can't help but queer out when I think about this.
I can't wait until March! and I epect every one I know within driving distance to be there ;)
a note on my day so far: I have had a wonderfully productive day. woke up this morning, did laundry, did dishes, made breakfast and worked out. I feel good.
I almost did something monumentally stupid last night and it kept me from seeing friends. if any of you are reading this I do apologize but to be honest the alone time the resulted in it did me some good. I don't get much of that these days. hope you all understand. don't really feel like going into details about what I almost did here on LJ but if any of y'all really want to know I won't mind talking about it one-on-one.
anyway, life is crazy right now. lots going on but yet another lesson in how nothing works out like you imagine it will. on a happy note: I've started losing weight again! been walking a lot and not really eating much. amazing what that will do for a waist line. lol. I need new pics cause I'm losing weight and I'm trying the goatee thing and kind of curious as to what people think about it.
P.S. Good song choice, Pandora
Current mood:  productive Current music: "Life is a Highway" Rascle Flats.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
OH!!!!!!!
so, for those of you that haven't heard yet and that have not had to deal with my goofy-ness:
About a week and a half ago I auditioned for the Rome Little Theatre production of My Fair Lady. Let me just start this story by saying, that was an interesting eperiance. I was very happy to be back in a theatre auditioning. that was a lot of fun but the audition itself was nerve wracking. I had forgotten about it and was only reminded about it a couple of hours before while I was at work. not having a car, I didn't have time to go home and change or shave and I really didn't have anything prepare. I didn't look bad, I just could have looked better and its not like I don't have a large enough rep that I can't just pull something out of my ass to sing but still, not how I like to go into an audition. waiting for the cast list to come out was aweful too.
so, long story long, I got cast as Henry Higgins!!!!!!
Henry Mother-fuckin' Higgins!!!!!! (yes, it would seem the Samuel L. Jackson played that role at some point too ;) )
I don't know if you all really understand what this means to me. this is one of my favorite roles in one of my favorit shows of all times. I mean, since I was a little kid. I know all the songs, I know most of the dialog but still, I am freaking out. but in a good way. Its probably the largest role I have even gotten.
honestly, I'm still really in shock over the whole thing. its the part I auditioned for but I never really thought I'd get it.
anyway, thats the big news for me. show opens end of March. every one should come see it!!
Current mood:  excited
Sometimes the music says it all
Current mood:  Strangely Content Current music: "You Belong With Me." ~Taylor Swift
Monday, November 23, 2009
I want something REALLY different in my life.
this not an emo "I want to pack up and leave my home and friends behind me" sort of post. no. this is a very serious, "I need a new hobbie" kind of post.
I really really want to do something more physical but not just working out. I do that (most of the time) and I used to do some pretty serious weight training for a while. no. i need something more. I'm really giving thought to trying out for the Shorter football team next year but there are a good number of pros and cons to that one. I could start doing Marshal Arts or even dance classes. either one of those would be good.
I really want to do something with a purpose. something beyond "get fit and look sexy." I really want a pack. I want a unit. thats why I'm really thinking about football because I think I'd enjoy the team setting and I just can't think of any other activity where I'd really get that. I'm afraid that if i just join a class thats all it would be and I wouldn't get the comrodery that I'm really looking for. I really miss that sort of thing. I have friends. I have close friends that i spend time with but not a pack. I want a group to run with. those don't tend to form for me out of people I just know. it usually has some sort of common purpose behind it.
I know the easiest way to that would be the military but I'm getting a little old for that and I'm no where near the shape I'd need to be and plus, I'm really not talking about up rooting my life. I just need a new distraction.
anybody have any suggestions?
Current mood:  contemplative
Monday, October 19, 2009
I think I may actually have a pretty good idea of what I want to be when I grow up.
now, most of you who know me well enough know that I'm really just thinking out loud and that this really shouldn't be taken too seriously because I'm likely to change my mind tomorrow or as soon as another shiny career track makes itself known to me.
also, I really shouldn't use the term "when I grow up" because really that tends to automatically put my guard up as I don't really want to grow up. but, the nice thing about this is its not something that will happen anytime crazy soon and I think I'll actually enjoy the trip.
( Why long then I intended )
Current mood: contemplative
Friday, October 2, 2009
Jessica:
I am never merry when I hear sweet music.
Lorenzo:
The reason is, your spirit is attentive:
For do but note a wild and wanton herd,
or race of youthful and unhandled colts,
fetching mad bounds, bellowing, and neighing loud,
which is the hot condition of their blood;
if they but hear perchance a trumpet sound,
or any air of music touch their ears,
you shall perceive them make mutual stand,
their savage eyes turned to a modest gaze,
by the sweet power of music: therefore the poet
did feign that Orpheus drew trees, stones, and floods;
since naught so stockish, hard, and full of rage,
but music for the time doth change his nature.
the man that hath no music in himself,
nor is not moved with concord of sweet sounds,
is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils;
the motions of his spirit are dull as night
and his affections dark as Erebus:
let no such man be trusted. - Mark the music.
The Merchant of Venice ~William Shakespeare
Current mood:  teehee
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixèd mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
Current mood:  peaceful
Monday, August 24, 2009
"First they came for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up, because I wasn’t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up, because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up, because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me."
this has been on my mind lately. I see something coming that I think I may need to speak against before it affects me directly. because it likely will one day.
Current mood:  worried
Thursday, August 13, 2009
I didn't even look to see when the last time I posted before starting this. I'm sure it’s been a long time since I've really updated. I know I posted a couple of little things but I don't think I've actually updated y'all on life in forever.
So hear goes:
god, I don't even know where to start. I suddenly have Alice in Wonderland in my head. "Start at the beginning and when you reach the end . . . stop." sounds so much simpler then it actually is.
( Cut due to length )
I'll still have my emo moments, I'm sure of it, it’s just the way I am but I'm going to try very hard to stay happy and to remember all the good I have in my life. Because there's a lot of it.
Current mood: happy Current music: "Dancing Queen" ~Mamma Mia (Shut up. ABBA makes me happy. lol)
Saturday, July 18, 2009
I feel strange. I don't really know how to describe it. wish I really had some one to talk through it with right now but the people I'm around are a little too close to hte situation right now.
its not a bad strange. just strange. the only word I can really think of to fit it is "balanced" but I fear that's deceptive. there are things in my life right now, things I use to enjoy quite a bit, that don't seem to matter as much as they used to. I'm really afraid this is just another, new, aspect of my depression showing it head but there's a far more peaceful feeling to it than anything I've felt before. its not the hollow, often cold, "I don't care right now" that I usually feel when this kind of thing comes up.
there are things in my life that I am very happy with that give me a good bit of joy and I'm trying to focus on those right now but this new thing scares a little and I can't really say why. its something I think about more in my meditations than anything else.
maybe this is growth and I don't recognize it maybe this is simply one of my ever changing moods and I'll feel completely different tomorrow but this has been going on for about a week now which is why I decided to write about it. I wouldn't say I'm content with my situation, there are several things that don't thrill me about it that I think about changing most days, but there's a certain acceptance of my situation right now that mitigates of the true broodiness I could be feeling right now.
anyway, I think I'm more or less happy right now. I'm writing again and enjoying school and being back in Rome isn't so bad. oh, and I'm enjoying the new job so far
Current mood: contemplative
Thursday, July 16, 2009
so I'm studying poetry in class right now and I'm really really enjoying it. as a result I've been writing a lot lately. its kind of weird cause I don't consider myself very good. the other day I wrote something in the middle of History class that I actually really like and have a desire to share with people. I've posted it on my DA page but I know not very many people actually read that so i kind of want to post it here too.
take a read if interested I very much want feed back.
( Dance with me )
Current mood:  creative
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Hey guys,
I have tickets to Dragon*con and I have a job now so I might actually have money. does any one out there know of any crash space left at all. I realize this is pretty much last minute so beggars can't be choosers. I'll pretty much take whatever i can get at this point. otherwise I will show up and rely on the kindness of strangers which might be fun but never a sure thing. hehe
anyway, let me know.
Current mood: excited
Sunday, June 7, 2009
so I'm back in Rome. Crazy. I know. I'm really really hoping its gonna work out better this time and its been nice so far but I don't actually start classes until tomorrow.
I'm living with Josh and Sam and Andrew (Sam's brother) and its been fun so far. living with other people always has its little headaches but thats to be epected as personalities clash from time to time but so far it has been very minimal.
its been fun getting to know Sam's brother. he's a really cool guy but still very new to a lot of the RP stuff which is what we spend most of the time doing/talking about. its funny to see him sitting in the corner with a slightly terrified look on his face as we ramble about vampires and fairies and mages (oh my). I always enjoy watching newbies cause it reminds me of the olden days when I was but a wee MC 1 and had no comprehension of this strange language that others around me liked to speak in. we keep reassuring him that he'll catch on before long and we thrust books into his hand from time to time. I think he's starting to get it (a little) just in the past few days so I think he'll be fine.
there's a free pool about 100 feet away from where I'm living at the moment and it makes my Piscian heart very happy. I spent several hours out there yesterday and about an hour this morning. I may still go back out later tonight before the sun goes down.
Sam and Josh are on a diet at the moment which hasn't been nearly as bad as I was afraid it would be. they've most cut back on the amount of meat they're eating (a lot) so it practically like being vegetarian but so far it hasn't been bad. now, they're aren't requiring me to be on this diet as well its more of a "this is what we're cooking. you're welcome to it but this is how we're eating right now." so, because I am a little on the poor side (and lets face it, a little lazy) I am eating what I'm offered and being happy about it. lol. its all been very tasty so far.
I feel a lot better since coming back. depression still hits me like a ton of bricks from time to time but I'm active, eating better and spending time with friends. all of that has helped a great deal so far. so, heres hope
Oh, I'm taking Hebrew tomorrow with one of my favorite professors every and I am supper stoked about it. Sam and I are both in the class so that should be really cool.
Current mood: content
Sunday, May 10, 2009
So I was thinking about something tonight at work and I was wondering if anyone else knows what I'm talking about.
I've gotten back into writing lately thanks to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jawoodward and the ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) camchar group. it hasn't been much but its been a nice little jump start to my creative juices, as it were, and I had almost forgot how writing makes me feel.
I came to the realization last yeah (thanks to the help of my schools councilor) that I am an extreamly kinetic person. I learn better with my hands and very kinetic activities (such as typing or playing piano) help focus my mind in ways that other things simply can't. most of the time my mind is a jumble of thoughts going in a million different directions but the act of doing something with my hands (especially creatively) helps me to zoom in on one thought and the feel is fantastic. the clarity is unlike anything else and I love it. I don't feel nearly as crazy when I do things like that.
I'm rambling a bit but I promis I'm coming to my mine topic of discussion.
Writing is like sex to me. have any of you other writers out there experianced this? I'm not being facetious at all either. the sensation is very similar to that of having sex. when I'm doing it I'm completely in the moment and nothing else seems to really matter. it makes me feel amazing and as I progress in the story I can feel this sense of anticipation and pressure building and building. finally I finish the story and the feeling of closing out a story (especially one I'm particularly happy with) is like the tingly sensation of after glow. not to mention the fact that I feel like my brain has gotten a good cleaning out and I can think more clearly in general.
I was having trouble wondering why I wasn't writing that often when it makes me feel so good but then I realized: my mood affects my creativity as much as it affects my sex drive. I know this may come as a shock to some of you but there are times when I just am not in the mood to have sex. it tied to my lower moods and frankly I just haven't been happy lately. thats not to say I haven't written things in my more depressed state, I have and some are very good, but I certainly write more when I'm in a better mood. it may still be dark and twisted but being happy certainly makes it easier for me to "perform."
I feel myself digressing into an emo post so I'm going to stop here. the point of this post is, I love the way writing makes me feel and I'm going to try to do it more often so any of you that track my DA be on the look out for something new in the near future and feel free to bug me if it doesn't show up. I'm in need a good kick in the ass right now (in general) so please do so if you wish.
Random thoughts:
I'm tired of being a little pile of emo smoosh. I need to get back to being happy but i just can't figure out how.
I'm going to kill the cat if she don't stop climbing up my leg right now.
if any of you know of a job available, let me know. (it doesn't have to be in GA . . . just saying.) I need a new one . . . badly.
Current mood:  sleepy Current music: Happily Ever After ~Once Upon A Mattress (Carol Burnett)
Thursday, April 9, 2009
you ever feel trapped?
you ever feel like your daily life is nothing more than a struggle to not drown in this ocean of an existance that doesn't want to do anything but pull you under?
you ever feel like the walls of your own home are closing in on you? except maybe it the walls of the persons house thats kind enough to let you crash because you don't have a home any more . . .
you ever feel like getting out of bed from day to day is a task more painful than anything you've ever done and you don't know how you can continue doing it?
you ever wonder how its worh continuing to try?
you ever feel so painfully alone even when your surrounded by people?
you ever just not have any idea what to do besides give up?
. . .
maybe I just want to know if I'm the only one. sorry.
Current mood:  depressed
Sunday, February 1, 2009
but in a good way really. I can't even decide where to start on this update.
about a month ago a met this guy. his name is Farid and he's Moroccan. we met online and I invited him to the annual Peterson boxing day party. we had a good time and I liked him but I wasn't really sure about him at first. he got really clingy really fast and the whole relationship started moving WAY too fast for my taste. after strugling with it for a while I finally decided to relax and just let what was going to happen happen. the next week he invited me to The Imperial Fez (which his parents own) which, for those who don't know, is a very cool Moroccan resturant that we have in the Atlanta area. it was a marvolous evening and easily one of the best dates I have ever been on. I met his family and friends and we ate good food, had our cards read and danced with a billy dancer. then after we went next door to Ibiza (which his parents also own) and we had a few drinks and smoked a hooka. after that I went home and spent the night at his place.
its now a month later and we're officialy boyfriends and ontop of that his parents gave me a job at Imperial Fez. I'm really enjoying it so far. I like the people and the work is kind of fun. its going to be stressful, I know that every job is, but so far, so good.
its crazy though. I see him ever day and I go home to his place almost every night so I'm practically living with him and its only been a month. things are still going really fast but I'm happy. still not as fast as he would like though. he's already starting to pick out rings and I have to tell him the the actually merrage thing likely isn't going to happen for a good while. I like the idea, don't get me wrong, I just don't want to move too fast into something we aren't ready for. I like how crazy he is about me and I like that he wants the same things i do for the future. I also like that he just signed up for his temp cam membership! YAY!
speaking of, the cam is going to be slowing down a good bit for a while, just fyi. I work at night and tuesday - saturday so mostly only sunday games are happening right now. when I've been there for a while I'll probably ask for one saturday a month off and it'll probably be the Rome saturday but we'll see.
but work is fun and on the weeks, when we get off, he and I go over to Ibiza and eat and drink and sometimes smoke a hooka. its really cool hanging out with him cause every body knows him and kind of hangs on him cause he's the owner's son. its like going to a party where you don't know any one but being accepted and liked just because you showed up with the popular guy. I have to admit, its fun. hehe
so:
Work = money = good
Love = (sex) = awesome
life = crazy = good
P.S. yeah, nothings perfect. life still has stress and shit that I'm having to deal with but you know what? its been a damn good week so I'm not thinking about it for a little while.
Current mood: happy
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Hello, Friends.
are you tired of shoddy pave jobs and bumpy rides. well, buddy, I can tell you I am. that ache in your neck and that pain in your ass that comes from a poorly paved road is something compared to no other. I've heard the same thing dozens of times from so many people.
*Cut to confessional*
"I know where I'm going but these bumpy roads just make everything that much harder. it's so difficult to keep everything in your hand basket when your car is rocking and bouncing around like that. not to mention that no lube feeling thats just all too familiar."
*back to announcer*
Stories like the one you just heard from Helena in Frozeover, New Jersey are becoming all too common these days and so many people feel that they just don't have anywhere to turn.
well, I'm here to tell you that that's just not true. we here at Good intentions Inc. are dedicated to making sure that your ride wherever it is your going is as smooth and as painless as we can. we use only the finest of good intentions and diplomacy to make sure that you enjoy every second of you journey to the big tropical vacation. that's right, you know where i mean *wink and cheesy grin*
if you don't Believe me, hear from one of the millions of people who paved their roads using Good Intentions Inc. quality pavement.
*cut to confessional*
"I used Good Intentions Inc. to pave my road and now all I have to think about it which bathing suit to wear. Good intentions has made my ride so much more enjoyable that I just want to take all my friends with me."
That's right, friends, you too can join one of the millions satisfied customers who has experienced the Good Intentions road that makes every trip as as smooth as silk and its as easy as inserting your opinion where it was requested or needed. do that and you'll be on your way to the best road trip of your life.
So remember, with Good Intentions Inc. all you have to worry about is the sunscreen. *another cheesy wink*
(and also try new Good Intentions luxery handbaskets for the cushiest ride of your life.)
Current mood:  silly
Monday, December 1, 2008
Dear Santa, for Christmas . . .
Dr. Oneiros would like a large cold iron box,
Harmony would like a stable relationship,
Dorian would like to not be a heretic,
and Bobby just wants to learn to fly planes.
yeah, ok, I'm bored but what would YOUR characters like for Christmas?
Current mood:  amused
Monday, November 17, 2008
Raindrops on roses . . . whiskers on kittens . . .
HAHA, anyway,
I had a really shitty day today. I wasn't happy with how my jury went AT ALL. they cut my best song and I just wasn't feeling it today. that song totally would have saved my ass cause I just wasn't feeling on my game. *grumble, grumble bitch, bitch) and then everything from that point on just sucked. I hated every thing and just wanted to hide under a rock and cry.
but you know, every now and then some one will make a comment that just makes your day so much better. like the freshman that tells you "I figured you were 19, maybe 20. I mean you don't look 26" or the 18/19 year old that tells you "you're hot, you must have guys crawling all over you."
I know its shallow but it still makes me feel good. my appearance is one place that I am least confident and the cynical part of my brain says "yeah, right." but it still makes me feel good. I know I don't appeal to the majority of the gay men in the world but it is nice to know there are some people out there. so, yeah, it made the day better. silly maybe, but it did.
anyway, in other news, for those of you that didn't know I will be heading down to the Atlanta area for an extended period. I'm taking the next semester off for various reasons and so will be in the Atl working and figuring things out at least until summer. I'm getting pretty excited about it actually. new usually makes me happy. I'm looking forward to hanging out with at least different people and I'm almost looking forward to a new job and getting to know the Atlanta scene as it were.
I actually have prospects on a couple of fronts all ready. I have a potential job lined up and a guy I've been talking to for a few months now who wants to get together. that being said . . . I wouldn't mind keeping my options open. lol so fi any one knows of any job openings or has some one they'd like to set me up with, let me know. I'm all for exploring my options. (does that make me a bad person?)
Current mood: amused
Thursday, October 9, 2008
people, I mean. you ever have those days where being around people and being emotionally invested just doesn't seem worth? I really hope some one else does. cause I'd had to think that I'm the only one in the world that gets this cranky and misanthropic.
I just don't understand sometimes way it is SO hard to stick to a plan? sometimes people seems to be so erratic and unpredictable for absolutely no reason what so ever. I know things happen and plans change often beyond our control, but really . . .?
there are people in this world that I love more than I can say. some more than they realize but I still get so incredibly frustrated and just want to devorce myself from man kind because so often it doesn't seem worth it.
ok, rant done. it just needed to get that off my chest. I'm blocking comments and before any one asks i'm not talking about any one who can read this thats why I wrote it here.
Current mood:  annoyed
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